Awed by Ben McBride’s talk about peacebuilding, I wrestled with this question. He talked about how there are ‘voices, forces and factors that keep us from embracing that we are wired to know radical our interconnectedness even through our differences and our perceptions’. I heard him say that we need to become a bridge that others can walk on while moving away from ‘calling someone OUT’ to ‘calling someone IN’. Yes, of course!
Yet, what if that person refuses to come to the table? What if that person holds all the power and tells those who do not agree to, ‘get with the program or get out of the way?’ What if that person will not allow you to speak, and won’t listen to your feelings or experiences? Surely Ben has faced this and found a way forward. He named it as becoming a bridge that others can walk on.
My own peacebuilding efforts are charged with emotion and personal investment. I have been hurt many times while calling someone in and by being curious about another’s views. In a moment like this I’ve found my heart so invested and longed for the desired outcome that the thought of sharing vulnerably (Ben’s suggestion) seems dangerous. Instead, I am emotionally charged because the injustice is so egregious, and yet it still happens! I am emotionally triggered and find it hard to hold space for the differences, and hard to hold space for the one in power who cannot/does not come to the table. I find myself close to tears and don’t want the one in power to see me cry. I not only lack the discipline to take the long view, but lack the patience, the experience of success, or the hope to believe that ‘things’ will change. Childishly, I want to stomp out of the room taking my ball and just go home!
Yet Ben invited us to seek the radical middle…to strive to see how our behavior today can lead to hope for 100 years from now. He invites curiosity about another rather than leading with my own pain…to offer grace by imagining a table large enough for all to participate. When I’m flooded by emotion born of righteousness or harm it’s nearly impossible to feel curious, or offer grace, or be vulnerable.
It’s easy for me to see how challenging this is to me, and Ben’s comment about permitting all to come to the table “Not in agreement of affirmation but in acknowledgment of another’s lived experience” is, perhaps, the growing edge for me. It provides just enough distance for my heart to have space/distance it needs for Mystery/God to soothe me with healing and hope.
“We are all meant to belong”. “We are more alike than different”. “Living life in the radial middle is a call to be passionate and skilled in speaking across the divide.” I am so grateful for Ben’s teaching and know I have so much to learn.
1 comment
Andrea, thank you for giving us a raw and vulnerable glimpse of what’s happening internally for you. It really is so hard to keep inviting people in when you’ve been hurt before. It struck me that you even used the word “dangerous.” I appreciate your attentiveness to what is being stirred up in you in the midst of those difficult interactions because I believe that awareness is crucial in being able to show up authentically and engage in a healthy way.