My initial visceral reaction to reading it was nervousness, not to the point of panic but uncomfortable nonetheless. I usually feel that emotion somewhere in my chest or stomach. As someone prone to anxiety, it is a familiar feeling. 

On one level I’m a little embarrassed to admit that this reaction was out of fear for my own well-being because I work in higher education and my mind started to go to worrying about how these changes would affect my work. But I think that is where the beloved practice started for me because I was able to realize that self-preservation is a natural human response to a frightening experience and then extend myself some grace for my reaction.

As I went back further into the article, it talked more about the history of the Department of Education and also about the various functions it has beyond the ones I’m most familiar with and most affect me like administering federal financial aid. 

The functions that stood out were the ways in which the department helps support some of the most vulnerable students like those with disabilities and I began to be sad for them and how these changes might affect them. I think that is a way of extending belovedness beyond me. 

As I have sat more with this news I feel like Jesus has reminded me that he is in charge and I can trust him with this situation too. To me that doesn’t mean putting my head in the sand and ignoring injustice, but doing what I can, praying and remembering that he is bigger than this too!

Pausing allows me to find the peace I need to evolve inwardly.  By pausing I get out of the way and allow myself to trust in the slow work of God.

I am savoring the words from Sarah Bessey, from her new book “Field Notes from the Wilderness: Practices for an Evolving Faith”.  I read these words this morning:

“Look at you, in the midst of your uncertainty and unknowing, embarking on a journey you know will cost you so much, knowing you are saying farewell to the old versions of yourself, and offering this up to the world with hope and love, again and again, anyway. God, it’s beautiful.”

Nina spoke about one of the tools of pilgrimage being humility – the willingness to NOT know and the willingness to NOT stay in that spot! I believe Sarah’s words cheer us on as we humbly travel this road of uncertainty together!