Staying centered for me is greatly helped by a trifecta of things that combat the anxiety of caring. The tension that can sometimes creep up on me when I want to see changes sooner than they want to come. When people or situations aren’t changing soon enough I feel the tension. Especially if I believe what needs to change is causing pain, harm or the perpetuation of injustice.

PHYSICAL:SPIRITUAL:SOCIAL

PHYSICAL: I find that putting my body through a morning routine gives me the best chance at sustaining my mental energy, clarity, peace and probably a cocktail of calming hormones to boot. Meditation, exercise, cold plunge, vitamins and coffee. If this drops off during a time of stress, then other things begin to de-optimize as well. The world suddenly becomes a more difficult place to maintain optimism in.

SOCIAL: You know those activist friends who just ‘get’ you? It is indescribably life-giving for me to connect with these precious ones over the issue that is troubling me. They ‘get’ me or at least they hear me out with a deep listen and offer of support. And this makes a noticeable difference to my nervous system right away. We do this for each other and over time it becomes like a safety net of support. We hold each other up.

SPIRITUAL: For me, this intellectual-spiritual part is huge. It begins more heady than feely. But it deeply effects the feely parts. Thinking on these larger issues like “Who am I? Why am I here? And why now? What is the world for? Who, what and where is God/Source/Spirit in all this?” matters. Really contemplating these and allowing myself to come to new conclusions over time helps me reconnect with myself and feel connected to the Divine as well. 

When I remember what I believe about who I am and why I came here this helps me stay centered. When I think of how much I’ve changed, this gives me hope that we live in an ever-changing and ever-evolving world where others can change too. In fact, we can’t not change, eventually. 

I’ll briefly summarize what has been calming to me recently. It begins with considering that perhaps before I was born here in this lifetime I was some form of soul-energy with God in God’s place or dimension of heavenly life forces. And at some point we decided that I would come to this place at this time for a purpose that would unfold as my life. The key is that I came not only for the easy parts, but for the whole range of feelings within this experience. 

In short, I have felt both better within the tension and more confidently propelled to act as I have accepted that in this world I will have, see and experience troubles. That trouble and tension are inevitably part of it. And it doesn’t even need to mean I have done something wrong. It just is. Yet I live here in physical form as a learner knowing that I came to experience both joy and pain, both flow and tension. So also, I bear witness to both justice and injustice. It is all here and I came to interact with all of it. Where I choose to focus my energy this time around is my choice. And I will feel better if I focus it on my Main Purpose. Recalibrating to this makes me feel calmed almost immediately. Then I trust that opportunities will come for me to do the next right inspired action toward positive change. 

I also come humbly acknowledging that it is possible that there may have been another time here where I was the oppressor, not yet ready to work on behalf of the oppressed. Considering this likelihood shakes me out of my smug slumber like a cold plunge and helps me seek to understand those around me with both humility and empathy. It does not mean that I excuse injustice. No, it gives me pause enough to be curious about what is going on in ‘the other’ to try and understand it. In understanding, I feel more empowered to help promote shalom more effectively in the situation.  

In my considering my choicefulness in coming here at this time, I have hope. I hope because I have a sense of power over who I become and the spirit in which I choose to live here. I believe that the world does not have to be perfect for me to be able to achieve peace within it. And I try to remember that I am a more effective leader as one centered and in peace. Though I cannot always maintain a peaceful escape from the tensions, I can lean on my practices and trust that rebalance will happen. So I hope as I move forward and rediscover my purpose and my place at this time. It helps me to feel both small in light of time and big in this place at this time. Both ok with being insignificant and yet significantly empowered within to do what is right now.   

My hope returns when I get enough energy going to determine not to give my power away to overwhelm or any condition. I get centered again and feel hope in the knowing of peace unconditionally now. In imagining what I can do about it all now, beginning in me. Of knowing that I can effect changes both within and around me now that will continue to unfold in good ways, laying tracks of positivity into my future.

I identify with the “disoriented” descriptor because—in many ways—white Christian nationalism still disorients me. Having grown up in a denomination where most people refuse to say the pledge of allegiance, I find myself utterly confused when I meet Christians who revere the flag as if God Himself created it. I still find myself thrown totally off-guard when people start talking about the United States as if it is a new Israel or pull scripture out of context and try to apply it to the United States. I know that all of this is a thing. Despite all of the consciousness of the dangers of mixing Jesus and country in the Quaker church, I still see it happen, so I am mentally aware of it. But it surprises me every single time.

“Deconstructing” also resonates with me because I think that I am very much still in the process of shedding some of this ideology from my life and faith. Something that I struggle with is inappropriate caretaking. Growing up, it was always my job—as the oldest sister—to mother my siblings. When my husband began to struggle with alcoholism in the early years of our marriage, I fell into the role of mothering him. And unfortunately, I sometimes bring this energy into my other relationships. I think I know what is best for everyone, and that is very much—in addition to weird family dynamics and response to trying to save my husband—a product of white Christian nationalism. I have to work very hard to pull myself back when I feel this tendency and others coming up. I almost wonder if I will always be deconstructing this, to a certain extent.

Some next steps for me are to keep learning and to keep disentangling. Also, however, I think that a big next step for me lies in that concept of being that we have been talking so much about. I have to keep reminding myself that I am beloved, and so is everyone else. I have to keep allowing God’s love and grace to be the thing that humbles me, guides me, and girds me.

While this might sound corny as all get out, what keeps me grounded is my own little version of the Serenity Prayer. I pray: God, grant me the serenity to accept the love that has been given to me, the courage to be who You have called me to be and nothing more, and the wisdom to know the difference. This reminds me that I don’t have to earn love. I am already loved—even if I don’t feel loved in the moment. It also reminds me that going out and trying to earn love usually hurts both me and the people who I am “helping”, or the people who I am railing against on social media. Keeping myself rooted in love—both God’s abundant and unceasing love, and the love that others have for me—makes all the difference.

When I think of power in the Christian context, what comes to mind are the words of St. Paul that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Often I feel so much weaker and inadequate compared to the problems of the world and the healing they seem to require. Sometimes I feel inadequate to the tasks in my own life. Yet God tells us that we don’t need to be powerful; rather, we need to be channels and mechanisms through which His power of love and grace can touch others.

The Church also continually talks about ‘the preferential option for the poor’—that those who have less and are struggling deserve special care and support from those who have more. Jesus told us through His parables that to whom much is given, much is expected, and that whatever we do to ‘the least’ of His children, we do to Him. Whatever our situation in life, we always have some power to help others.  A kind smile or a compassionate word do not require high social position or finances.  Love is a gift God freely gives to us and which He wants us to freely give to others.

I first became active in interfaith engagement after 9/11, a life-changing trauma which spurred me to enter the field of peacebuilding and to work for greater understanding and friendship—and dismantling of negative misperceptions—between Americans and people in Middle Eastern and Muslim-majority countries. While I subsequently spent much time in the Middle East, I also realized that there is much we can do to promote interfaith friendship and understanding here in our own diverse American backyard as well. I helped to found the Interfaith Committee at my church, and for about 7 years, we hosted an iftar (dinner to break the Muslim fast during Ramadan) at our church for our Muslim neighbors, our own parishioners, and some guests of other faiths. I saw the iftars as a way not only to extend hospitality to our Muslim neighbors, but to support them on their own walk with God by providing a space for them to pray and practice their own faith traditions (while also providing a wonderful opportunity for mutual learning). Many wonderful friends and memories came out of these events, and I felt they provided a way for me to more deeply live out my Catholic faith through this way of expressing love for our neighbor.

Having done a lot of work in Pakistan, I heard a story once of a Pakistani Muslim man who saw a news broadcast about an American church which provided space for local Muslims who did not have a mosque to worship. He said he was so inspired by this that he went out, gathered other Muslims in the community, and went to visit and help repair a church in his community in Pakistan. Each such act of love like this can have a ripple effect of inspiring other acts of love, even far across the world, and how much that must please God.