I appreciated the opening conversation with my small group on interpersonal strategies to be in right relationship with ideological others / people with whom we disagree. Jer named that the imagination in our society is dwindling that though we disagree, we can still bring this thing to life together…we need people who are pursuing relationship with whom we disagree and lean into differences in redemptive ways…”

I couldn’t agree more fully about this and wanted to share a practice we’re developing with UniteBoston based on a chapter entitled Wrath: From Polarization to Peacemaking by Elizabeth Oldfield.  Here, she describes a practice:

• Write two lists, one titled “types of people or groups I feel instinctively comfortable with” and the second, “types of people or groups I feel instinctively uncomfortable with.” A helpful test is, how does the thought of going to a party filled with this kind of person make me feel? Start with the obvious ones, such as political tribes, beliefs, social types, but you can get a lot more granular than that. Personality types. Interest groups. Just get it all out, and don’t stop until you have at least ten on each list.
• Then attempt to fill in a second column for each marked “Why?” The challenge is that your reason has to be about you, not about them. If your list isn’t slightly painful, you’re probably not being honest. You don’t need to show it to anyone. Just let it make you more conscious.
• Then, take some time to pray for the people on the “Not Like Me” side. 

It’s powerful for me to think about who I identify as people like me, and not like me, and why. While some of the reasons are related to my background growing up, others seem to be based on my own innate stereotypes, some that I didn’t see (like poor people, gang members) until I did this exercise. I realize how much I distance myself from the NLM people; yet there is so much power in proximity.

At the end of the session, we talked about what actually causes people to change their minds – challenging someone’s beliefs doesn’t cause them to change their beliefs but love and empathy does. The invitation is to stay in relationship, be present for the moment that may or may not come and pray and watch their example. Waiting and being patient for the change can be hard for me but this was a great reminder., 

I’m still holding onto Elizabeth Neumann’s description that the effects of polarization and disinformation is like a forest fire… So much today is burning down, it feels like decades of positive international relations and ministry to the poor and marginalized are being demolished, how long will it take to regrow everything?