I was really struck by Elizabeth Neumann’s point in her book that the ‘in group’ is threatened by the identity of the ‘out group’. (paraphrase) Not threatened by the actions of the out group but by their very existence. This was so illuminating to me. Why does the simple existence of a Spanish speaker or a woman seem to invite violence from some Trump supporters?  Because their existence is seen as threatening the in group with extinction. Kind of obvious, but I hadn’t seen it before.

The biggest takeaway from examining the beliefs given to me in my formative years was that I was taught and shown that white men should always be in charge, their opinions are always more important than a woman’s or that of a person of color, and we all need to protect and respect their dominance. Their ego, however fragile, was always my problem.

Even in the Vineyard Church where my husband and I went to church for 30 years, they gave lip service to women being equal. The Vineyard changed it’s belief statements to say that women were equally called to any leadership role twenty years ago, but the men in charge were careful not to add a seat at any table for women. That way, only the most persistent (or really the women who were married to a pastor that was willing to let his wife have a bit of power) could have a voice. And not even lip service was given to wanting integration racially.

When I was fired several years ago from the preaching team for preaching on the Beatitudes, I had spoken frankly about a need for us to look at our racism and then I had spoken in a second sermon about our need to have zero tolerance for violence. We are Christians, not Empire builders. The second sermon was actually the one that brought out the most rage in my listeners. (They both made church members angry.)

So where do these threads of the tapestry lead me now?  I think empathy for the way we were all taught such non-Christian priorities and values. I was as blind as anybody else just a few years ago.  We didn’t set out to prop up patriarchy and white supremacy. I want to engage with a soft heart.

And I really appreciated both David and Elizabeth’s wisdom to show us the greater trends and attitudes as they have been evolving. There is a coherent belief system that folks are afraid to examine or let go of. Both Elizabeth and David  deepened my desire to approach these things with tenacity and patience. I must take the long view and accept that it could be that nothing will change this week or this year in the people I love or work with. Empathy and patience.

And in doing a bit of dreaming for the future, I have a percolating idea about offering Spiritual Direction groups for folks who feel ready to explore softening or deconstructing their conservative Evangelical beliefs and feelings. I have been leading a weekly small group the last year and a half on identity and calling for women, and the breakthroughs I’m starting to see now are beautiful. We were patient and content with baby steps and grieving and setbacks for over a year, and then the deep internal lies and fears began to really give way to new life. The support and togetherness offered by the group is like a lovely greenhouse. I wonder if a similar approach could create a safe space for slow, safe change for those who want to but are afraid to change. Or for those who don’t know where to start.

Thank you for reading my long post!!!