So far, what I’ve appreciated and benefited from most in our work is hearing from different voices and perspectives. I’ve especially valued learning from the experiences of Ruth, Nina, and Osheta, as they are very different from my own. A couple of points have particularly stood out to me:
-
Their ability to stay curious and open-minded toward people whose behavior is deeply hurtful to them. While I like to think of myself as open-minded and gracious, I’m realizing I’m not as much as I’d like to believe. I recognize an ugly tendency in myself to write off people who hurt or frustrate me and, if I’m being really honest, even wish them ill—hoping they would feel pain equal to or worse than what I feel they’ve caused me. Learning about Ruth, Nina, and Osheta’s experiences has convicted me and encouraged me to re-evaluate these tendencies.
-
The concept of belovedness in ourselves and the critical connection between believing in our own belovedness and the ability to extend that belief to others. I consider myself very people-oriented and empathetic, but recently, I’ve started to see how my own insecurities affect my ability to love others. This language of believing in my own belovedness—and the idea that making peace with myself is foundational to making peace with others—has given me a new perspective on my struggles and additional tools for working through them.
These themes have been surfacing outside of the cohort as well. Last Sunday, the sermon at church was about forgiveness. There are a couple of people who have hurt me so deeply that I haven’t been able to get my head or heart around the idea of forgiving them, even though some of the wounds were inflicted years ago. I know forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting or trusting the person again, but honestly, in these situations, I wonder—what does it mean, then?
As the pastor was speaking on Sunday, a thought hit me, and I think it may have been from the Lord: “What if forgiveness in these cases means releasing these people in my heart and mind to God and trusting His work in their lives?”
That would require me to let go of my own desire for justice as I envision it and instead trust God’s work. I’m not sure if that is complete forgiveness, but it feels like at least a helpful step in that direction.
2 comments
Thanks so much for this Nate. I really resonate with what you’re sharing about belovedness, loving ourselves first and the inner work of peacemaking that is too often neglected. The tension between our work to step in and our stepping back to trust in God’s work, is something I’m continuing to wrestle with as well.
Nate, thank you for your vulnerability in this post and for the ways you are allowing yourself to be challenged. I especially relate to your thoughts/feelings on forgiveness. I feel like I have grown in my capability to forgive the less-significant ways I have been hurt or wronged. But there are other instances in which the offense was so severe … the pain has diminished over the years, but I can’t say I have forgiven them. I often feel convicted by Jesus’ words from the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”