Part 1: Going Deeper in Belovedness:
As I entered this cohort, I anticipated that I would leave every session ready to hit the streets for justice. At some level I imagined being fueled by the inspiring work my peers were doing and feeling driven to do more myself. I grew eagerly restless at the thought of the fire that was kindled inside me at the start of the Guns to Gardens movement being fanned into a wildfire by this new community of passionate friends.
Some of this has come true. Still more true yet is the challenge I have been met with to slow all the way down so I can fully lean in and hear Jesus whisper “you are beloved”. I have always known this, and yet I am beginning to feel these words deepen within me, becoming real. And as I grapple with my own belovedness a curious thing has begun to happen in my encounters with others. It’s like a faint neon sign is beginning to flicker and appear, hovering above the head of each stranger I meet, also reading: “beloved”. While I would like to claim that this has radically changed how I treat people, I can’t. In fact, I’m finding myself in a constant internal wrestling match fighting off the temptation to return to a place where I can ignorantly judge others. The work continues.
Part 2: Shifting Toward Hope:
I walk away from each session feeling emotionally unresolved, like we’re all together singing a melody to Jesus but ending on a dominant chord. It’s like watching a movie where the kid steps up onto the high dive. He gathers his courage. He runs to the end of the diving board. Then the movie cuts to black and rolls credits. I’m trying my best to put this feeling into words because it’s not a feeling of frustration or dissatisfaction, but an underlying shift toward hope. I guess I just don’t know what to do with that hope yet.
Part 3: Expanding My Heart:
Our latest reflection on the Meeting Place of Reconciliation has me thinking about how each of the four principles (Truth, Justice, Mercy, and Peace) overlays with the top 5 values we were asked to write about previously. When the discussion turned to the topic of fear, specifically as an indicator for which of the four areas we may lack in, it was as if a door was opened into a whole new room in my mind. Do I fear Truth? Do I overvalue Peace at the expense of Justice? Is Mercy even present in my picture of reconciliation? I am holding these questions before Jesus that He might expand my capacity to love.
1 comment
Dave, your thoughts on belovedness are familiar to me as well. I have found myself surprised that this concept has shown itself prominent in so much of our learning and conversations thus far. And the thought occurred to me that if the only thing I were to gain from this cohort was to take seriously the practice of living in and living out belovedness, I think that would still go a long way toward bringing God’s justice into the world around me. But I agree, this is still a work in progress within me!