I am beloved. I am beloved. I am beloved.
The news that has stirred me up lately is highly local. I can’t bring myself to try and parse through the atrocities, both real and imagined, taking place so far out of my reach that even the drips off of cultural stalactites burn and sizzle on contact. And I am still beloved.
On Ash Wednesday I preached on the steps of City Hall. They were to be revisiting an affordable housing measure that has been before them off and on for far too long. One that seems like such a no brainer to fix. Who with a heart could vote against it? What level of justification does it require to rob our city of the housing it so needs. And still, “you” are beloved. They are beloved.
I want to rage, at least I think I do. I think that will soothe the burns and sizzle that are beyond my control. But alas, revenge and rage are not my balm. They never will be. I am beloved. You are beloved.
I have heard that we are all just doing our best. That thinking in this way creates space for empathy and grace. Nina invited us to consider the malformation that gets people where they are. But I want this so bad. And it seems so close, so doable, so possible in the face of so much that isn’t. But I am not the one who will make it so, not finally. Just as I am not the one who names each one beloved.
We are beloved. We must be. Believing so is a fuel of sorts. That we might keep going if this is true. We might keep discovering the belovedness, even as we stumble in the dark. Dark has always been the beginning, the birthplace, the path to resurrection. I will act as if, because the outcomes are not dependent on my ability to fully believe in my mind, but I can choose to live as if it is true in the name of the one who calls us beloved.
2 comments
Powerful reflection, Katy. I feel like I want to rage too! (classic Enneagram 1)
Over the last week, or so, these words from Dallas Willard keep finding their way back to me, “Anger and contempt are the twin scourges of the earth. … these bitter emotions form the poisonous brew in which human existence stands suspended. … Once you see those emotions for what they are, the constant stream of human disasters that history and life bring before us can also be seen for what they are: the natural outcome of human choice, of people choosing to be angry and contemptuous. … We have to remember this when we read what Jesus and other biblical writers say about anger. To cut the root of anger is to wither the tree of human evil.” (Divine Conspiracy, pg. 150)
There’s often this voice inside of me saying, “If you’re not angry about what is happening, then you don’t care.” But, that’s not the Spirit’s voice. Those are not Jesus’ words. It’s a lie I keep telling myself. Anger isn’t the way to healing.
“Dark has always been the beginning …” As much as I dislike this and wish it weren’t true, this is the ultimate truth. And so, with Christ as our guide, we will make our way together through this darkness.
Thanks for this Steve. For the wisdom of our predecessors, and for your own discernment of God’s voice.