A few years ago, after a lot of coaxing, a couple of friends finally managed to drag me away from team sports long enough to get me into the world of running. It was very casual at first. I got on Strava (a running app) to begin tracking my runs, but under a hidden name because I didn’t want anybody to find me and see my embarrassing times and horrendous ability to pace myself. Within a couple of years, those friends talked me into signing up for an ultramarathon with them. I’ve now trained for and completed two 50km trail races, the only races I’ve done since my days of sprinting on the track team in high school.

Ultramarathon training is more complex than I would have imagined. The physical and mental dynamics are deeply intertwined so that it’s often difficult to tell which side of yourself is the limiting factor. There is more learning involved than you would think- learning about nutrition and your cardiovascular system, and all sorts of things. One of the things that I learned was the significance of recovery.

Recovery, it turns out, is when training actually pays off. It’s when your muscles grow, and your joints strengthen, and your calluses form. One of the primary dangers for distance runners is overtraining- adding too many miles or too much elevation too fast, so that your body can’t grow into it quickly enough, or undermining your training by cutting your recovery time short so that your body doesn’t have a chance to build on what you have done in your workouts.

This all came to mind for me during Osheta’s presentation. I’ve become frustrated with the self-care fixation that I’ve seen in certain realms of the ministry and helping worlds. From my perspective, people often talk about self-care in a way that creates a self-image of frailty. We require a certain amount of pampering in order to be our full selves. The flight attendant says I have to put on my own mask first before I help anybody else! That image has us all short of oxygen on a doomed aircraft as a baseline reality. If we see ourselves as people constantly flailing through life, just trying to breathe, how can we have the resolve and the mental strength to actually do the hard work of peace and justice?

Sometimes, in training, I find myself drinking a coke and eating a burger and fries out of a paper bag in a hot bathtub, completely exhausted after a 20 mile trail run. It’s not weakness that I feel in those moments, though. Exhaustion and pain, yes. But not weakness. Because I just ran 20 miles. I just ran 20 miles. Now it’s time to recover. The rest of the day – I’m not walking anywhere I don’t have to walk. I’m spent. But it’s not because my legs are weak. It’s because they’re strong and getting stronger. Rest is part of the training. The soda, burger, fries, and hot bath? Sugar and salt to replenish the reserves, protein and heat for expedited muscle recovery and growth. Part of the training.

I want to change my image of self-care to something like this. I’m not a panicked passenger on a doomed flight gasping for air. I’m an ultramarathoner. That was a hard run today, and I’ve got nothing left right now. But that run combined with some rest will make me stronger. Capable of the next challenge. Ready to go again.

Rest and prayer? Part of the work. Periodic disengagement from media? Part of the work. Disappearing to a place with no cell reception so that nobody can get ahold of me for a few days? Part of the work. Starting a physically demanding new hobby that requires hours and hours of meditative running every week? Part of the work. It’s not an issue of frailty. It’s part of becoming strong enough for the work ahead.

I just ran 20 miles. Recovery time. 22 next week.

The Places Where I’m From Poem

I am from book.

From wisdom and adventure.

I am from the overflowing: energetic, loud, loving.

I’m from the land of the Kumeyaay.

From beach, mountain, and desert.

I am from flower farm: vivid, aromatic, abundant.

I’m from sports and athleticism.

From Rick and Mary.

I’m from the scattering and autonomy.

From be a team player and have fun.

I’m from Christ and Spirit.

I’m from Southern California whites, cheese blintzes, and pasta.

From the comments about how great a family man your father is from his co-workers; strangers.

I am from the beloved, citizen of the year, knows everyone everywhere, legendary, Lu Cronin;

The scattered chaos;

The abandoned traditions.