I found it hard to narrow it down to just five values, but here they are:
Authenticity
Relationships/Connection
Integrity
Creativity
The inherent value of every human being
When I violate authenticity, it’s usually because I hesitate to fully express my feelings (especially in relationships) out of fear of overreacting or being misunderstood. I also tend to mask my true self in social situations when I feel uncomfortable—either by becoming overly goofy or shutting down completely.
When I violate my value of relationships and connection, it often looks like withdrawing when I feel unappreciated, misunderstood, or even lonely and insecure, rather than voicing my needs or reaching out. I also sometimes avoid conflict instead of addressing it directly.
With integrity, there are times when I’m caught between being honest and keeping the peace, and I might choose to avoid conflict rather than speaking up. If I’m being really honest, there have also been moments in my life when I’ve hidden behaviors I’m not proud of.
I love being creative, but when life gets busy, it’s often one of the first things I push to the back burner—and I think that violates this value.
While I deeply believe in the absolute value of all humans—that God loves every person and has created them with unique talents, gifts, and abilities—I can also be judgmental at times and write off people who frustrate or annoy me. Like Nina said last week, when I’m not valuing myself, I also struggle more to value others.
6 comments
Thanks for posting this Dave! I also often feel caught between being honest and keeping the peace; I appreciated some of Nina’s insights in how to “speak the truth in love” to cultivate a depth of relationship we all long for. I also am working on seeing conflict as a gift, to lean into it, rather than trying to resolve the tension.
A line I could relate to. “I’m caught between honesty and keeping the peace”… Yes! I happen to like peace but the dang honesty thing….
I really appreciate the value of authenticity. I hope when we are able to be ourselves, others are more free to be themselves. That would also proabably make for more robust relationship/connection too because we aren’t trying to hide something about ourselves.
Nate, I appreciate that you took the time to share your insights of how you violate each of your values. This takes a great deal of self-awareness. This inspires me to go deeper with each of mine. Thanks for the prompting!
Thank you for your honesty, Nate! I resonated with a lot of what you said including masking yourself in social situations, choosing to keep the peace over being honest, and pushing aside creativity when life gets busy. Nina’s quote of “when I’m not valuing myself, I also struggle more to value others” is so powerful. I wonder are there any intentional practices that have helped you to keep these values at the forefront of your life?
Thanks Dave, I appreciate it!
I think I’ve tried different intentional practices depending on the value. For example with creativity, I have time on my calendar each week to specifically practice it, however, honestly it is one of the first things I tend to let go when I get busy or overwhelmed.
I think practices around the rest tend to involve intentional self-care. If I’m taking care of myself – physically, emotional, spiritually – I feel much more equipped to honor my values.
How about you?