Our time with Nina was deeply impactful for me this week. In our session together, along with teachings from Osheta, I was reminded to embrace each other as beloved. Perhaps a reminder for myself, after taking Dr. Neff’s self compassion exercise, is to recognize the beloved in myself as well. Compassion for myself may be the first step when I violate a top 5 value. My top 5 values are as follows:
- Empathy – Everyone has a story. Everyone has pain in their past. Everyone has lived experience and a unique cultural background that informs who they are. I strive to be a listener and holder of stories.
- Being an Ambassador of Peace – My next value is showing up for community. However, I think being an ambassador for peace looks a lot like showing up for community. Who are my brothers and sisters that are hurting? How do I show up for them?
- Showing up for Community – Apart from above, simply this is being present and available. When i’m in unhealth, I can easily isolate. Showing up for others is pushing against this temptation to self-isolate and be a listener, and a generous friend with my time and resources.
- Learning – The world is rapidly changing. To be an involved and integral part i think requires thoughtful engagement with learning. I constantly ask how might God be inviting the kingdom to earth and how God may be challenging us to engage better.
- Adaptability – In my work and life I hope to show an ability to respond when something important may require my attention.
Sometimes violating these values is a result of grief. When we feel we have no capacity, it can be difficult to show up for others. Again, this is why I feel self compassion is critical. Alternatively, I think a temptation to people-please could be the driver that pushes me away from values. Who am I pleasing/displeasing when I try to be an ambassador to peace? When I show up for someone, who do I feel I am diverting attention from? Ultimately, I think people-pleasing usually is a fruitless endeavor. Instead of living in to something God might have, I try to live in to someone’s alternative plan for my life.
6 comments
Justin, I love the phrase, being a “holder of stories”. That is truly sacred work when, as you said, we recognize the connection between a person’s lived experiences and who they have become as a result. I am also glad to hear that you understand that though being a holder of stories is a privilege, it also takes a toll. Recognizing the cost is an important step in living wisely in this role!
Thanks for the comment Kassandra!
All the self compassion…how is it the things that seem so easy (rest, play, self nurture) can be so difficult? Are there practices that can/do help you (us) fuel self compassion?
Truly. I don’t know why we stray away from things that feed self compassion. We truly are our own worst critics. At a baseline, I think we have to ask ourselves “how would i treat my friend?” Sometimes we need to remember to treat ourselves as friend rather than enemy
Oh, yes– people pleasing. Didn’t include that in my list of reasons for value violation, but definitely should have! Please, perfect, perform… three of my subconscious p’s, lol!
I also really appreciate your framing around grief leading to violating our values. And I agree, being so gentle and tender with ourselves and our pain is so very important!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and values, Justin!
Powerful thoughts here, Justin. I was especially struck by “Sometimes violating these values is a result of grief.” Wow, I sense there is just so much grief right now – residual grief from the covid pandemic, grief from widespread natural disasters, from broken relationships and eroding institutions, from the chaos and unpredictability of our world …
We all need compassion right now. For ourselves and for those around us. We’re all struggling with something.