This feels vulnerable, because, after a long season of crisis and loss, I’ve been slowly working with God and a trauma informed therapist to put me back together. Or maybe to unearth the deeper more real me. It’s been a beautiful, exciting and excruciating process. For now, I’d name my top five values like this: 1. I approach each person as a beloved child of God. 2. I attempt to have zero tolerance for harsh or unkind words (thought or spoken) to myself or others. 3. I speak up for what is true and right in direct, indirect and creative ways especially as it relates to those who are systemically oppressed or left out. 4. I care well for myself by pursuing balance – doing the work I feel called to, play, rest, learning, connection. 5. I endeavor to do everything from the deep well of Love that lives within me, not from other motivations.
I appreciated so many things that Nina shared. Especially her reality check about conflict. “Conflict isn’t bad, it just is.” I have been working hard to take conflict more in stride and to respond to things I disagree with with a simple, “Oh, I don’t see it that way,” to at least establish a baseline. I feel spurred on by Nina to find ways to follow up on those moments as a kindness. I want to accept that awkwardness is not such a big deal if I care about the person as a beloved child of God!
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Brigid – I resonate with everything you said. It felt vulnerable for me too, naming my values like this. But the values you named are so beautiful and speak to me very deeply. As I read each one I thought “I should have said that!…And that…! and that!” I am feeling these past few weeks that the first and second values you listed, if lived fully, are deeply countercultural. This is where I find myself feeling distance and separation from people who I love and care about and generally agree with on many issues. But when conversations get a little deeper I am so often surprised by how most of the people I interact with ultimately don’t want to see each person as a beloved child of God (or even just worthy of being treated with respect and as a fellow human, if they don’t use religious language). I’m not saying that I’m able to achieve this most of the time, but it doesn’t seem to be a common value. I also was really struck by what Nina said about conflict. I’ve always thought of conflict as ultimately unavoidable when you do some kind of intense experience with others over time, but I really appreciated the way she took the drama out of it and reframed it. And I loved what you said about accepting the awkwardness – this is so true! How often are we bothered by the awkwardness more than anything else…so that we get angry or upset just because it’s awkward…or avoid saying or doing what needs to be said or done to avoid the awkwardness. Life is often awkward… as Nina said, we’re going to be bumping up against each other.
Thanks so much for this lovely comment, Colin! I felt the same way about your values -Oh I should have said that!! I agree, it seems that people that I thought I was on the same page with for years have abandoned or revealed that they never were attempting to see each person as a beloved child of God. It’s disorienting and then I have to turn around and treat them as a beloved child of God. Phew! And yes, the awkwardness – I think I have missed out on a lot because of running away from awkwardness as if it were fatal!! Thanks again, I really appreciate the encouragement.
Brigid, these are such beautiful and inspiring values. I hear the echoes of Scripture attached to each value which confirms that these are God-ordained. Your 4th value regarding balance particularly catches my attention as it strikes me that if every one of us could simply hold work, play, rest, learning and connection as our top 5 values, we would be so much better off. This feels like a perfect formula for living a simple yet abundant life!
Thank you, Kassandra. I really appreciate the encouragement. Now to spend a lifetime learning to live these better! I think balance was something really missing for me in the past – obligation and work were too heavy for a long time. I now really value play and rest as part of the rhythm.
“Beautiful, exciting, and excruciating” what lovely adjectives for transformation and spiritual development. Thanks for naming that its not all super fun. I’m curious about any lightness, frivolity, ease too…is there some?
Good question, Katy! I value laughter and play so much more than I used to and see them as worthy in and of themselves instead of needing for them to lead to something deeper. I think my ceramics class has helped me to practice playing and doing frivolous things regularly. I want to still work toward feeling light and feeling the frivolity! I can’t say I feeeeeel much of those day to day yet. Thanks so much for the ‘wondering’!
Brigid- I appreciate your vulnerability. I too am in a season of grief and loss and I resonate with those feelings of disorientation that come in times like these. Hoping this time together will be healing as we restore ourselves.
I’m sorry to hear that, Mindy. It unfolds more slowly than we would usually prefer, doesn’t it? I am so thankful to be ‘here’ with you as we support one another and find hope again in all it’s layers. May you be held in your grief always.