I went into the conflict mapping and pillars session with a few conflicts loosely in mind… I wasn’t sure which might work best for the activity and I wanted to be prepared. I was struck that the conflict I ended up mapping was not the one that would have fit the tool in the most clear-cut way.  I probably should have predicted this, but instead of the straight-forward solution, I worked with the conflict that has been occupying most of my brain space.

The problem with this particular conflict (and therefore, the catalyst for that which was brought into focus for me) was that this is not a conflict that I have a lot of power or control to change. Further, the roots of the conflict are particularly difficult for me to identify, so much of what I was able to name were symptoms rather than sources. 

However, sticking with this conflict even though it did not feel like the most straightforward way to learn the tool yielded some new insight that I found beneficial. This is a conflict in which I am deeply intertwined and yet I have very little power. It was not surprising to me that most of the power was held in other people. It also was not especially surprising that I was able to name one particular place that I do hold power in this conflict: namely, with my team as I am now the director. Not a surprise… but a helpful naming. This naming of my sphere of influence so concretely helped me settle into a truth that I may have intellectually been able to name but did not fully grasp. In this conflict, I cannot change a lot. I don’t have a lot of power to effect change in the root sources of the conflict… but, I can pour energy into my team. I can control how I engage with them, how I guide our collective focus and energy, and how I step into leadership. 

This tool brought into focus some good truth: I could spend my time spinning my wheels about the conflict which would likely lead to no change, or I could refuse to give it even more power and direct my focus to using the power I hold well within my sphere of influence.