As I quickly tried to map out a conflict that took place three years ago, I realized the map looked like a big mess with so many circles and lines of all kinds.  The first revelation I gained from the map was seeing it as a mess which helped me to once again acknowledge that it was a big, sad, painful mess not only for me but for the staff, the family, the church.

This was a mess that many have moved on from, and I don’t know if that is the healthy thing to do. We have had two different pastors at two different times cause havoc and each time the congregation and leaders just wanted to move on without spending any time reflecting on the conflict.  Sarah Bessey, in her book “Field Notes for the Wilderness: Practices for an Evolving Faith” says, ”The only way to begin healing is to acknowledge the wound. Stop pretending that your church didn’t break your heart. Stop saying it’s fine that you were betrayed. Stop excusing bad behavior and cruelty and carelessness. Until you learn to stop spiritually bypassing your actual life with your good humanness, you won’t find meaning, let alone healing.”

I have done a lot of healing in the past 3 years however I have come to realize that I always have my guard up when it comes to church.  And having that barricade has caused me to miss the deep spiritual connection that I crave from church.  The conflict mapping helped me to acknowledge the pain that came from that conflict three years ago which has nudged me into a deeper prayer life. Praying for my own heart, but also praying for the church in general, the specific church, and the pastor and his wife who caused and experienced so much pain (thanks Osheta for being the first to nudge me to do this!)

The conflict mapping also helped me to see how isolated the pastor and his wife (also a pastor) became in the process of the church trying to move forward once they left.  As the church tried to move ahead (because Sunday comes quickly and there needs to be a pastor) there was a lack of healthy conversation and a lot of spiritual bypassing.  The church leaders were ready to sweep it under the carpet and move ahead.  The church staff, members and the pastor (who had been beloved there for five years) deserved honest, healthy conversations.

I appreciate the tools that Michael Gibbs shared with us and I hope to utilize the Conflict Mapping and Pillars Analysis more so that I can become more proficient in seeing the conflict and having those dialogues for peaceful change.