I’ve been delaying writing this blog post in large part because I am having trouble finding words to articulate what’s been happening in my interior world. I finally landed on responding to the question, “what do you notice expanding within you?” because that which I am noticing I have only been able to name as spaciousness.
I find myself actively desiring more slowness, more stillness, and more willingness to let myself be always a little bit wrong and never fully right. This all comes together to feel like a desire for and seeking of spaciousness in my interior world that I desire to let affect my daily way of proceeding in the world.
I think this spaciousness is already showing up. I have found myself in recent weeks – even in the midst of overwhelm – willing and able to look around and take stock in a way that would have been hard for me to access a few months ago. It’s this expanding capacity in which I am able to pull my head above the water for a moment instead of thrashing around and trying to survive.
These moments have felt deeply consoling in the last few weeks as I have experienced them and also after the moment is over, when I look back and reflect.
To bring this into the concrete: many of the things that are overwhelming at this moment are overwhelming in large part because they are unknown. I’ve been struck by my expanding ability to sit with that unknown – to acknowledge that it’s hard and I’m overwhelmed and I don’t know but that it’s okay to be here in this moment. It has also shown up in a simple and tangible way through an expanding ability to be willing to leave a work conversation unresolved – to introduce information but be willing to return to the conversation later rather than force a swift conclusion.
I am not sure yet that there have been many ways that this has shown up externally in any major (or noticeable to others) way, but it sure has been a noticeable expanse in my interior world, and I have found myself desiring even more of this and I can’t wait to see what else comes from this.
3 comments
What a beautiful discovery! Interior space to be wrong and still be okay. How cool. Your journey intrigues and inspires me. I’d like to get Zoom Coffee sometime and learn more about your experiences.
Yes please! I would love that.
Thank you for sharing what has been happening in your interior world. It is so important for leaders to be in touch with that inner part of you and to notice what is expanding and becoming more spacious. I support your willingness to access and notice these parts of you and how they affect others around you. I resonate with valuing this. This is where peace-making begins.