This one is going to be messy. I know myself as beloved. I have embraced the joy of Christ’s identity provided to me since I was a child. I have celebrated my belovedness in ways that have manifested as privileged status in a church where my father was pastor and all I did was praised. I would even sing specials as a teen. Me…singing a solo…in front of people! It’s not that I can’t carry a tune but I’m clearly no soloist! Still, the pastor’s kid who praised God in song could do no wrong.
Off I went to college. Beloved. Loving parents supporting me throughout my journey of education as a Business Management major. No pastoring for me. No problem for my parents. Unheard of! All my siblings entered “the ministry.” I was the “black sheep” of the family and I was still deeply committed to Christ, even in my Business Law class. That was enough for my parents. They supported me.
It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized my journey as white male in the United States was a rather elevated and privileged experience. I, and my kind, have been the center of systems designed to keep me/us there. It’s comfortable. It’s easy. It’s safe. It’s dangerous. It’s harmful, to me and others. How, then, do I get out of the way?
My journey, personally and professionally, has been marked by a steady effort to decentralize myself and my voice for the sake of others. This has, at times, had an impact on my understanding of myself as beloved. I have worked to sort this view in such a way that it separates God’s view of me from society’s. To move out of the way as a white male leader does not decentralize my status as a beloved child of God. In fact, it reinforces that status alongside those I am seeking to center. This has been a messy task. There is a unique skill of leading from a following position. I still haven’t figured it out. Lao Tzu has a great line which reads, “When all is said and done, the people will say, ‘We did it ourselves.’” To me, the greatest leaders disappear in their work and those being led rise up and see their belovedness as central. How I get there as a leader, while retaining a sense of my own belovedness, is a deeply internal work that requires constant attention. To that end I stumble forward.
4 comments
I was recently offered a quote: “take more time, cover less ground.” This is what came to mind when reading your description of your interior work and the work to decenter yourself in your leadership. It was a privilege and a gift to hear your wrestling and I am looking forward to walking alongside you in the journey of embracing our belovedness while also embracing the belovedness of others.
Yes! I love that line. Can’t remember who it is from at present. Very hard to practice in a society that pushes us to move faster and faster.
“There is a unique skill of leading from a following position” – that statement says a lot and I appreciate that you are honest about still trying to figure out how to do that. It is so hard. I look forward to more conversation about that!
YES!
“To me, the greatest leaders disappear in their work and those being led rise up and see their belovedness as central.”
What a beautiful picture.
I appreciate you naming the wrestling in your life. The ways you desire for systems to be changed. This is hard and important work. Thank you for letting us be a part of this work together with you.