Prior to adopting a lens of peacemaking: the primary way to remain sustained or centered was through careful dosing of work environment and then escape: i.e. Work as little as possible. Spend time with people who are supportive and understanding, trying not to talk ‘shop’. For me: exercising outdoors as much as possible with hikes and bike rides. Compress and then decompress in seemingly endless cycles.
“Burnout” avoidance emerges as a primary goal. Waves of frustration bury the urgency for change.
The longer you spend with a monster, the higher the likelihood of getting eaten alive.
No one is looking for a peacemaking voice in healthcare.
As I embark on a reconciling leader journey, the application of this work to a secular healthcare landscape is largely unknown and uncharted as far as I have experienced.
It is a great gift to have no external expectations. To paraphrase Nina: my desire will fuel my transforming. I have space to allow this.
As I am transforming, I wonder: Can I lean in with curiosity, humility and openness? Can I avoid allowing my frustration and fears drive me to look for escape? Can I see as a peacemaker sees – my patients, colleagues, hospital administrators, insurance companies – in order to grow my desire for transformation inside and out?
My transforming journey is uncharted, and the new centering and sustaining forces are similarly opaque.
4 comments
My friend. Thank you for this. I am drawn to similar sentiments that Lindsay and Meredith highlight. It’s stunning how, even though we were created to work, work itself can become a monster…that threatens to consume us or, simply dehumanize us. I think it’s an interesting and important word choice you’ve made here. In referring to work as a monster, you’ve dehumanized work. No judgment, just a wondering: How might you rehumanize the work associated with your vocation? And how might this shift eliminate any sacred/secular binary, simply making your work sacred?
A bit selfishly perhaps, I am looking forward to learning from you. I have heard this sort of talk from others in healthcare, and I admire you so for being willing to move into these uncharted territories.🙏
In an interesting point of consonance, I hadn’t even read your blog post when I decided that the note I needed to write myself on my bathroom mirror this week was “don’t let the job eat you alive” after I had the genuine thought on Monday of, “this job will eat me alive if I let it.” So I do deeply resonate.
I am so grateful for and encouraged by your noticing of your previous survival modes – the repetitive “compress” and “decompress” cycle. Grateful because it resonates, and encouraged because I often wonder if the naming and noticing is a very large part of the work.
I am challenged by your commitment to the ongoing and uncharted nature of this journey – I know I myself am so impatient to “arrive” and I think it’s a gift to walk this journey alongside you.
I think it is just really brave for you to swim in such uncharted waters. Listening to you talk about your work and what it is like sounds dehumanizing. Even the way you describe “compress, decompress” cycle sounds almost like the expectation is robotic.
I am so interested and curious to see where this journey leads you and how you go forward from here.