I’ve always loved the Buechner quote that says “Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.” I had experiences in our first session that heightened my hope, deepened my ache, and refined my pressing question all in a way that was both beautiful and terrible. However, in the spirit of the prompt, I’m focusing my reflection on the way the session refined my pressing question.
I am in a moment of transition in my job as I step into a full-time director role that I had only done previously. In my interview, when I was asked about responding to a broad range of faith experiences at Gonzaga, part of my consistent response was that while we need to be able to adapt and evolve our approaches, we still need to choose and focus in on our approaches. On my team, we know if we try to do everything and be everything for everybody, we won’t do anything particularly well.
However, I realized as I was engaging in our first session that it is incredibly tempting in my new role to try and do everything all at once. I entered with a named pressing question about my particular context, but as I was reflecting after the session, I realized that the implicit pressing question I was asking myself was something along the lines of “how can I suddenly develop superpowers and figure out how to do it all and transform everything?”
The Ignatian practice of discernment invites me to think about the next right thing and only the next right thing. It is a practice of paying attention to my interior life and the working of God within me and within my context. I mentioned this in my breakout group – intellectually, it’s easy for me to think about electing the next right thing. In practice, especially in this moment, I realized I’m not really living it out. I’m letting chaos and the pressure of achievement reign, which feels overwhelming most of the time. I know from experience that when I can get quiet and attend to the Holy Spirit that I can generally engage well in the practice of discernment.
Ultimately, this realization as I spoke to my group and after the session in my personal reflection refined my pressing question. The most pressing question for me right now is this: what is the next right thing God is calling me to do in my sphere of influence?
3 comments
I deeply resonate with this story and the moment you find yourself in Meredith. Thanks for letting us all into this really important moment in your professional journey. I feel really privileged to get to know you at this precise moment.
Something I have been saying to my team lately is we can do (or at least try) anything, but we cannot to do everything. In my role I find people want us to everything RIGHT NOW, and a couple of years ago I tried really hard to achieve that and found myself in a deep dark place. I think it’s pretty wise and admirable to recognize the temptation of achievement and the allure of it so early on in this process. Direction matters more than speed in getting to our destination. Taking the time to discern where to go and why is the most important work we can do. I’m excited to get to witness your journey in these next few months!
My friend. Thank you for leading with vulnerability right off the bat. I resonate so deeply with the ache to develop the superpower to be able to do all the things..all at once…in a way that makes everything better. And then, the invitation to the Ignatian practice of discernment: “The next right thing.” God, give us the courage to embrace the quiet and unrushed moments to listen long for the Spirit’s direction.
This made me think of that new book by Kate Bowler, the beautiful and terrible day, I want to read it. Such a great reminder, thank you so much. I too – if I stop and intentionally focus on the quiet can usually come into discernment. But it is so tempting to want to fix everything, or look for the superpower that will help to do everything at once….. I feel a bit more peaceful after reading this. Thank you.