This prompt about tension sums up much of the last decade for me.
Having grown up, worked in, and been affirmed by very privileged spaces, it took a long time to even feel urgency, think I needed tools or transformation.
Once I made the discovery, however, I found it too easy to react with an unhealthy pace. I abandoned personal transformation (outside of a period of repentance) and leapt headlong into blunt tools because, in my arrogance, the urgency to be someone to address injustice led me down a path of thinking I could be the hero the world needed right now.
I went from being virtually clueless to thinking I had most of this figured out. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why others hadn’t had the same revelation I had.
When I get overwhelmed with what I know or don’t know I have the tendency to pick a direction and run as fast as I can. Ignoring deep character development. I just want to make a choice. I’m tired of talking about it and I just want to do something.
Nina’s affirmation that it isn’t my job to be the hero and immediately run into the burning building without equipment is a relief and leaves me with some patience to discover and use better tools to be a help and not a hurt.
2 comments
My man. A good word here. I’m struck by how, when we think we have something figured out, we other/enemy those who have yet to figure it out. In so doing, we tend to other/enemy those in our communities of origin (family members, former guides, faith communities, etc.). In my experience, there have been many whom I’ve dehumanized and sabotaged relationships with. I’ve had to find the character and humility to return to those relationships and engage in the work of interpersonal peacemaking. I wonder if you’ve had any time to consider if there are any who have been steam-rolled by the “enlightened you” and if there’s any work of interpersonal repair that is important to explore with them.
Ben, I really resonate with this superhero concept that you talked about here. I also really resonate with your comment that you couldn’t understand why other people in your life hadn’t had the same revelation that you had had. I’ve been there. I am really excited to get to know you better, and to hear more about your journey of transformation.