(Rainer Maria Rilke)
I am discombobulated by the results of the survey taken during Module 3……..
and by the information about how we were selected.
If we are almost all Remainers (in the UK) and Democrats (in the US) how on earth are we to practice recognising that there is “more in common than divides us” or to move out of our own echo chambers? Thank God for some obvious minority members of the UK group (the Quaker witch, pagan and autist…)
I went for a walk with a friend in our very white, middle-class area, today and she challenged me….
because she made me realise that when I’m relating with a person who I perceive as somehow inferior in intellect, I am either impatient and dismissive or I treat them as “a project” – and no-one likes to be a project….
I recognised that I evaluate encounters on the basis of people’s abilities to meet my needs – either I need people to be rather like me and interested in similar things, operating with a similar sense of humour, intellectually my equal or superior etc. etc. – or in a position where I can gratify my need to be needed……
Oh dear……
How on earth can I genuinely become a “bridge”? How can I practice listening with curiosity, so that reticent, unvalued people feel able to speak up and can be sure of my respect?
Even more challenging – how can I avoid making the gift of my time to those whose views I find difficult or objectionable, into a project? How can I give genuine, accepting, congruent attention to people who offend me?
I guess the clue lies in going back to my assumptions about the intrinsic value of a human being – not the ones I think I hold, but the underlying prejudices which drive my opinion-formation….
2 comments
Hazel, I love this! You have called me out here – and I am glad. My personal echo-chamber is full of incense, Latin liturgy (pre-1968, please!), ad orientem Mass and all of the other things that make me feel comfortable. There is absolutely no charismatic arm-waving here and ‘Shine Jesus Shine’ is listed in the ‘Thou shalt not’ column. Fortunately, I am also a member of other communities, namely Co-Dependents Anonymous and Journey of Hope and each of these is able to part the incense and let me see beyond my preferences.
Let’s take a theoretical hundred people who might appear to be just like me (yes, I know, it would be hard to find one other person just like me, but I did use the term ‘theoretical’) and get them to say the Nicene Creed. Immediately, we have two differences: some of us are saying it in Latin, others in English or another form of the vernacular; some begin it with ‘I believe’ and some with ‘We believe’. As we progress, there’s a division on the ‘filioque question’ (and proceedeth from the Holy Ghost… or not); some of us genuflect at the incarnation and some do not (some of these because they physically can’t, some because they just choose not to). There will be many more differences than these few. Now, take a look into their hearts and minds. Are the pictures, sensations and emotions linked to the words all the same? I’d suggest that you have a hundred different versions.
What does this tell us? It is a powerful statement that we are comfortable with people who we PERCEIVE to be like ourselves, but that we are wrong in believing that they are the same. Turning that on its head, it is just as likely that those we perceive to be unlike ourselves have many things in common with us – it is simply that we have not been comfortable enough to find those things because of our perceived differences.
For me, there are many ways to break this perception: first of all, we must go where we are not comfortable (sharing a cigarette with a homeless bloke and having an actual conversation rather than chucking them a handful of change may help us to see their perspective… cigarette optional, of course). Secondly, we must find meaningful ways to share our stories and experiences so that nobody is ‘other’ to anybody else. BUT as we find common ground, we must also acknowledge and value our differences, recognising that we learn just as much from ‘what a good idea, I must try that’ as we do from ‘that wouldn’t work for me, but don’t let me stand in your way’.
And so I invite anyone of any belief or none to come and try my echo-chamber, just as long as I’m allowed to visit theirs too!
Hazel,
You’ve struck a nerve!
I have wondered such things, yet my ‘posture’ in evaluating how we fall in with one another is more from the belief that I am ‘less-than’, and I imagine everyone is somehow MORE than me–smarter, more capable, more clever, etc. It is a false starting point since I have been blessed with so much education, travel opportunities, and challenging encounters in which I learned so much.
But the fundamental question of immediate judgment becomes the edge at which we both stand, and the opportunity to listen with humility, recognizing that we are, each and every one, children of God loved, blessed and chosen.
thanks for your reflection that brought this more clearly to the surface for me.
Andrea