Comments on: Naive Culpability

By: Bridget Holtom

Bridget Holtom — Wed, 30 Mar 2022 12:26:38 +0000

Alice, thank you for sharing so honestly the hurt and shame that is within your family and your husbands and yours histories and how they fit in bigger colonial legacies. I balance what you share here with the stories I’ve heard already about your home schooling, about the commitment and love and tending that is also at the heart of your family life. It takes bravery to hold the complexities. And to forgive our younger selves for the decisions we make. I find this is one of the keys to trying to be an anti-racist white person. My white fragility shows up most when I’m in the company of someone who reminds me of my younger naive self who was quite white savior-y and wanted to save the world be a justice warrier but couldn’t face her own complicity and contradictions. When I meet people like younger me I cringe and try to control their words so they don’t accidentally say the wrong things like I did but they will learn in their own way and time. And by forgiving ourselves we can come to terms with impossible complexity. It is sad to hear your husbands father was not proud of him, but like you say it took such courage to still go to see them and show them live and now he can parent himself and you can both parent your children in imperfect but ambitious ways, cantering reconciliation and doing the best we can.

By: Lorna Hamilton,UK-22

Lorna Hamilton,UK-22 — Wed, 30 Mar 2022 08:37:02 +0000

Alice, thank you for sharing your moving and powerful journey with your husband and family. It means even more reading it now, after doing the resilience exercise with you and through our conversations and laughter together. Thank you for speaking the very honest questions. I resonate much with them. I am thankful to be walking alongside you in this pilgrimage and would love to hear more of your thoughts on this in the next residential.

By: Andrea Hug, NA-22

Andrea Hug, NA-22 — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 17:28:02 +0000

Alice,
I honor your heart’s openness and search.
As you ask your question, “How do we heal the fault line” I hear desire, and a deep longing for forgiveness and peace that resonates within me. The harm from our innocence (our naivety) stings our hearts. I honor your struggle to name such unconsciousness, and then, vulnerably offer it back as an offering of love.
Love restores though sometimes not quickly enough.
May your search bring peace.