I think the evangelical church has most shaped the concept of reconciliation for me. I’m sure that as a life-long church attender I’ve heard this term many times. As I reflect on the concept, I feel that the word ‘forgiveness’ took a primary place for any interpersonal disagreement. Memories surface of phrases like, “Forgive others like Christ forgave you.” I feel that my history lacks education on how to reconcile with someone beyond forgiveness. HOW do you ACTUALLY reconcile? As a 9 on the Enneagram, I’ve spent my life expertly navigating around conflict, and did not feel resourced with tools or strategies to understand how to reconcile with another person. Another sentiment thrown around in my circles was, “being reconciled to God.” That’s even less clear to me than with another person. The sad part is that the evangelical church does not have a reputation for being reconcilers—here and there maybe, but not overall. In the broader arena, I think the church is better known for having a history of colonization and racism. Isn’t Sunday morning the most segregated hour in a week? My experience leads me to believe this is true. If I’m honest, my understanding of reconciliation has been shaped by white, male, religious leaders. There was nary a woman or person of color preaching to me about reconciliation until recent years.
In more recent years, reconciliation has become part of a new language I am learning about racism and all the ways it impacts every corner of every system in our culture—schools, child welfare, voting, real estate, job opportunities, health, and on and on. Truth and reconciliation are often paired, as they were used in the movement in South Africa to heal after the period of apartheid. This tells me there must be a truth told—a storyteller who tells of their experience of harm. And there must be a listener to witness the story being told. There must be ownership of harm done. And I’m guessing there needs to be forgiveness of the wrong.
Reconciled—I can imagine it means made right; put into right relationship. But does that mean equal…peaceful…right in whose eyes? Is it the middle ground two parties can agree on? When I reflect on conversations that I’ve been witness to in the last year, I feel like the result of reconciliation would mean changed behavior—changed behavior that no longer harms would prove true reconciliation. We could then live in peace and harmony.
Image Source: https://www.scottericksonart.com/arts/book-illustrations
1 comment
Laura. Such profound honesty. Thank you for pointing to who and what shaped your foundational understanding of reconciliation. With white, male leaders as the definition shapers, is it any wonder why reconciliation was limited to forgiveness? It occurs to me that this diminished understanding fails to address any power differentials that generate the need for forgiveness. Thus, I wonder if true reconciliation involves an acknowledgment of power’s abuse, a pardoning (as Rebecca speaks to in her post), and a repair…both of the harm done and the difference in power. Thoughts?