I think my understanding of reconciliation has been shaped through three main lenses: academic, practical, and spiritual.
Academically, I studied theories of reconciliation while doing my Master’s in Conflict Analysis & Resolution. John Paul Lederach was of course a biggee here. I recall reading about his describing reconciliation as the place where Justice, Peace, Truth, and Mercy meet. It really touched me that this academic scholar was using concepts of reconciliation from the Bible in his academic writings: “Kindness and truth shall meet; justice and peace shall kiss. Truth shall spring out of the earth, and justice shall look down from heaven” (Ps. 85:11-12). Clearly these are not simply lofty religious values reserved only for people of faith, but core concepts that are foundational to bringing about reconciliation in practice.
Practically, through my work at ICRD I came to understand reconciliation processes as containing five main components:
- Stories—Each party reflects on their own experience of what happened in the conflict—their ‘story’—and tries to separate their perception of what happened from prejudices against the other party.
- Acknowledgment—Each party is exposed to the other’s story—what the other believes to be true. Each doesn’t have to accept the other’s story as factually true, but recognizes that the other’s story is true to them and important to them. A facilitator can help each party to feel heard and acknowledged, while encouraging each party to hear and acknowledge what’s important to the other.
- Pardon—Each injured party separates the perpetrator who hurt them from the hurtful action, allowing the perpetrator to be more than simply their hurtful action. This process opens the possibility of change, of a transformed relationship even though the conflict history with its injuries cannot be changed.
- Restitution/Reparation—This is an act by which the perpetrator of the hurtful act offers demonstration that he/she has changed. The injured party needs to be part of this process and give voice to what he/she needs in order to believe the demonstration of change is sincere. Together, the parties collaborate in trying to find an appropriate restitution that will allow them to move forward without violence.
- Restored Relationship/Collaboration—The parties move to a new perception of each other so that they can have a different relationship, a relationship of nonviolent coexistence, and perhaps even active collaboration where they build/do something together to promote a more peaceful future.
All of this is important. But what’s most important in my opinion is the spirituality of reconciliation. I believe that at the core of the ideal reconciliation is love. One of the Bible verses that became most important to me after my country was attacked on 9/11 is: “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you”. Reconciliation involves opening our hearts to the possibility of loving those who have hurt us, to recognizing that someone who does something terrible can be more than the terrible thing they did, that the good God who created every person instilled goodness into the fiber of every person, and no matter how hard some people seem to work to extinguish this goodness, no one is irredeemable, for nothing is impossible for God. Reconciliation means opening our hearts not only to the other but to God—inviting God in to heal our hurts and do the supernatural work of healing relationships that we imperfect humans cannot heal on our own. God is love, and with God all things are possible—which means reconciliation is always possible.
7 comments
Rebecca,
I really appreciate the framework of the 5 main components here about the reconciliation process. As you mention in the end about love being the most important. I see a connection of how without love that process of the 5 has a hard time coming to fruition. Without the posture of love to hear each other’s stories, then one truly may not hear what another has experienced. I am curious to explore more about how to grow the love we have inside us to be able to sit longer with each other to hear each other’s stories to begin this process. I look forward to hearing more from you!!
Rebecca. Such a poignant first reflection…one that reveals an important intersection: academic, practical, spiritual. As you point to John Paul Lederach, I’ve experienced him as one who lives with integrity regarding these three components and has been an example and mentor for me and my journey. I would also point to Marc Gopin whom I imagine you may be connected with as another example of this beautiful synergy. Your post, alongside your pressing question, leaves me wondering about the causes and implications of the disintegration of these three components. It has been my experience that for many white U.S. American Christians, there exists an anemic spirituality resulting in apathetic practice. As you’re curious about the role that Christians can/must play in the work of reconciliation, I’d be very eager to explore the notion of vital spirituality and theological renovation with you that may catalyze restorative engagement.
Thank you Jer! I did get connected to Marc Gopin through my time at George Mason University–I actually took a 10-day class with him in Syria on Citizen Diplomacy prior to the civil war, where we were blessed to form friendships with amazing Syrian students and breakdown mutual misperceptions about America and Syria. I’d definitely love to talk further with you about how religion, and Christianity in particular, can help reduce political/ideological tensions in America. I think people’s religious experiences and ways of living out their faith vary widely from person-to-person, and I’d like to help build upon the good work American Christians are already doing and figure out how these efforts can be a bridge to engaging those who are either apathetic about their faith or actively disregarding injunctions to love our neighbor–whatever our neighbor’s political beliefs.:)
Thank you for this post, Rebecca. I appreciate the 5 steps you wrote about – with number 3, pardon, standing out the most to me. This seems to be the counter-cultural step that is so dependent on the grace of God! I love how you close your piece with this acknowledgement, “Reconciliation means opening our hearts not only to the other but to God—inviting God in to heal our hurts and do the supernatural work of healing relationships that we imperfect humans cannot heal on our own.”
Thank you so much Amy!
So much of what you say resonates within me. I especially like the humility of your recognition that it is God who moves our hearts towards reconciliation–that with God it is possible to redeem even what we might name as irredeemable.
Thank you so much Andrea!